Now I know this sounds opposite to what a lot of phyco-babblist will tell you. And it gets even worse if your a Christian. If you are a Christian, then you have multi-million dollar organizations with unqualified people speaking emphatically, telling you that all you have to do is read your bible, buy their book and attend their conference and you will be A-O-K. And if your not A-O-K then somehow it is your fault, somehow you did have the ‘faith’ to make it happen.
I’ve read every book I could get over the last 20 years, particularly the last 5 relating to what I have to deal with on a daily basis that is a result of the abuse I experienced.
When I stopped looking for answers from others, when I stopped looking to God for a mind wipe or a miracle (yes I am a Christian and i do believe in the supernatural).
When I came to accept and realized that even if I did get any of those things, it would not make a fundamental change to what I had to deal with on a daily bases.
When I accepted the fact that this was who I was and this is who I would always be.
When I stopped striving to have someone else’s story, someone else’s past, when I accepted the fact that these things where done to me…..when I did all of that, then for the first time I received a glimmer of hope.
Sound counter-intuitive ? Let me try and explain it.
When your looking for a healing, when your looking for a cure, be it from God, a doctor or a pill, when you do this day after day after day and nothing changes you get disappointed.
On the other hand, when everyday you are still aware of how the effects of the abuse impacts and retards your ability to relate effectively and emotionally with the rest of the world you eventually get disillusioned and despondent.
When I moved from seeking ‘miracles’ to seeking the tools to manage this legacy, all of a sudden I began to see progress. Little by little I have found the things I needed to manage my fears, my emotions, my rage, my unforgiveness. One tool a day was my aim and my prayer. After 12 months of one discovery a day I was further down the track than I was after the previous 4 years of believing for one time big cure-all miracle.
Some people would call the change I have gone through as miraculous and I would tend to agree. But how I got there was not by looking or believing for a miracle, but by being willing to be shown the a daily tool that I needed to live my life well. As a result I have never felt better or been filled with greater hope and possibility for my future.
My encouragement to you is simple….don’t look for a cure, don’t pray and ask God for a miracle, but look for and believe for the tools you need to manage your recovery, your illness, look for these things every day.
Travel well…the road is long, but it is worth the journey.